We live and we learn, they say. Every day is supposed to be a gift but then there are those 24 hours that stretch for what feels like eternity and it fills our hearts with infinite pain and impatience. Hurry, you tell the clock. Tick faster, run these hours away until I feel no more; until everything is okay. But instead the paced—sometimes too slow—minutes follow the universal foot steps and excruciating anticipation makes a mockery of our hearts. Yet it carries bliss in the air, inserting bittersweet surprises in the minuscule half seconds that we cherish but always forget because the mind can’t always hold all the things we want to remember and that’s a terrible shame.
But with it, I learned. I learned of the importance of patience and how it takes training to wait. I learned how to silence the eager heart, to clip the wings of the tidal waves in preservation of our sanity. I learned that faith comes in all forms and languages - hidden in human flesh and astronomical ideas, like treasure we all seek but never could find the map. Because faith is a personal entity, wired in your own personal reality suited to you and only to be understood by, you. And I learned that God exists, just not always in the same depicted image and that we all have our personal Gods and that life, well, life is God and God is life. My God may not be your God but we do share a God and that’s the most beautiful thing taken for granted. I learned, oh how I stubbornly learned how to accept things and how to move on from things, to let go and how to hold on even when the grip weakens and the bridges start falling apart. Hold on and walk on because we will be surprised at just how much we have in us until we have no more and that sometimes, we just have to surrender ourselves to what we feel to walk away with what we now know. And it’s alright, it’s alright to fall and it’s fine if you want to be sad but remember that it’s a choice. Everything is. To have faith, is a choice. To lose faith, also a choice. You choose how long you want to suffer and for what reasons and when you decide you no longer want to cry, pick yourself up and walk on and walk fabulously with your chin up in the air because the sun missed you too. I learned that not everything goes your way because the universe knows what you need much more than you do, it has a plan; believe in it. Have faith in it.
And ultimately, I learned the most complicated lesson of all and that, my love, is that time does not exist. These twenty-four hour spans is the workings of the planet and that even when you’re asleep or when life stops for someone or when it first begins for the infant, life goes on and time is really… just… an idea. But it teaches us all these things and it heals our hearts and it’s infinite. An infinite idea that doesn’t exist but it can be measured it can be observed but in the end, we are simply… infinite.
For a second, completely fathom the idea of fate—everything happens for a reason and where we are at this moment was with purpose, with some kind of blueprint already mapped out for us and it’s up to us to accept the avenues or continue running in circles by holding onto the toxins that we’ve grasped onto. I have attended about over twenty schools in my lifetime, moved around so many places I hardly remember names or cities, just smells and vibrations. But, I was meant to be here. I was meant to explore all those places to come back to this very spot, this very home, on this very chair in some shape or form whether it was altered to some degree but who I am was who I am meant to be. Those who I have met, are those destined for me to meet. Those who I have loved, were built for me as I was built for them in our mystical mechanics of being human. I traveled between counties and resided within states to be here and if that is true, if all was to birth as it should… somewhere out there in the world, is that person who is meant for me. Someone with the heart that synchronizes with mine in a language only we can speak but in the hues that all else can understand. And in this acceptance, I am free. I have faith.
Just be yourself and one day you will find someone who loves you for everything you do. Why? Because you don’t need to be better than others, no one’s perfect. So, just be the best for the right person. They’ll accept you for who you are.
Got me up all night, all I’m singing is love songs
he got me up all night, constant drinking and love songs